Photo by Andy Falconer on Unsplash
“Belonging is a quality of the soul ... Fitting in, on the other hand, is where you mold yourself to conform to someone else’s shape. Fitting in takes you away from your natural self, out of belonging. It leaves you eternally the outsider, far from home.”
I’ve been quiet these past couple of months because I was engaged in a 12-week course to unlock my soul’s calling. One of the most significant revelations that came to me was from an exercise where you review your life in 7-year periods, looking at the circumstances, difficult life experiences, overarching theme, and the lesson your soul wanted you to learn during those times.
At 52 years old, that was a lot of life to wade through. In fact I was pretty exhausted by the time I finished so I put it all aside and walked away, deciding to give myself some space before tackling the final question: “What is the big theme that has repeated itself over and over again.” I needed to let all that I’d stirred up settle down and sink in.
The next day, as I was changing the sheets on our bed, I walked by a shelf I walk by a dozen times a day. It was in walking by this shelf, though, that the revelation of my life’s theme struck me like a thunderbolt and stopped me in my tracks.
You see, on this shelf is a poem I wrote when I was 16 years old. I vividly remember writing this poem. It was morning and I was sitting in class waiting for it to begin when, like a divine download, this poem just flowed through me onto the binder paper in front of me. I shared it with my mom, who liked it so much one of my sisters wrote it up in nice lettering and had it framed for my mom as a gift.
That poem sat on the old console stereo in my parents’ living room until the day I packed up and sold their house, where after it has resided in every home I’ve lived in since. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve reread that poem. It has just faded into the background after so many years.
On this day, though, the poem beckoned me and, for the first time in decades, I slowed down to look at it as I was walking past. I didn’t have to read any further than the title ...
Belonging
That. That has been my life’s theme. Time and time again I have searched for where I belong, trying to find my place.
It was an aha that should have been a “no duh,” and the knowing brought me to tears. Still does even now as I write this.
At first blush it sounds kind of sad, like I have never found my place or where I belonged. That’s not true. Many times in my life I have found my place and been exactly where I belonged. The trouble always came when I forgot where that place is—always within me—and started relying on and identifying my belonging as something outside myself, such as a relationship, a house, or a job.
It’s at those times when I forgot where I belonged that I abandoned myself—who I am, what I love and love to do, and what I believe to be true for me—and lost my sense of self as a result. I have always found my way back home to myself. And though the path is never smooth, over the years, the way has become a lot clearer.
This epiphany about belonging opened a floodgate of soul whispers over the next couple of days, including these two profound truths:
You are the great love you’ve been looking for.
You are the one you’ve been missing.
These truths reminded me that every time I have forgotten where I belong, there has been a feeling that something is missing and an undeniable yearning for love. What I know now is that the thing that was missing was me and that the love that I yearned for was my own.
Between the soul whispers, reflections, and revelation of my life’s theme, here’s what I have learned: You will never feel like you belong anywhere until you belong to yourself—first and always. True belonging comes from radical acceptance of who you are. When you live from that Truth, you will always feel like you belong.
P.S. In case you’re interested, here is the poem I wrote when I was 16 …
“Belonging
Standing at the water’s edge,
The waves rushing through my toes,
I have a sense of belonging,
One I’ve never had before.
As the wind whispers through my hair,
And the clouds play high above my head,
It’s as thought they’re trying to tell me something,
The words I have yet to comprehend.
But as the sun moves toward the horizon,
And the tide begins to disappear,
I think I’ve come to understand
The words I’ve longed to hear.”