Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash
“When judgment is in the room, no one else can show up.”
This is the insight I uttered during a recent session with my coach Sara Taylor, and it stopped us both in our conversational tracks. The truth in this statement was profound.
When I am in the throes of self-judgment, there is no room for any other part of me to show up—compassion, curiosity, patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, etc. Self-judgment is all consuming.
This part of me feels heavy and very old, like hundreds of years old. (Perhaps she is as I may be carrying the judgment of many who have gone before me.) She is haggard and stooped shouldered from the weight of judgments she has been carrying for decades. And she is so very tired.
However, Judgment is not as feeble as she appears. She is a force to be reckoned with. She can shut me down without uttering a word. Her presence alone is enough to make me shrink from self-doubt.
Rather than resist Judgment, I am learning to acknowledge and accept her, to even be grateful to her. She has worked diligently for decades to keep me safe—mostly safe from the judgment of Others.
I’m learning to work with Judgment rather than fighting her. I’m learning that her gift is discernment. And I am learning to focus her efforts on the bigger decisions and not every damn little thing that comes up or crosses my mind.
It’s a work in progress. But it is working, and I am making progress. I can sense a peaceful coexistence growing where there was previously only resistance.
How about you?
What part of you could use some compassionate acceptance? How might you work with this part rather than resisting it?